Hello & Welcome, Crp2478! It sounds as if you have been self-medicating. Best to find what might really be going on inside -- medically and psychologically. I certainly would want to understand what the long-term effects of the early cocaine exposure might be.

Certainly, as your situation permits seek medical, psychological, and vocational counsel. Try to approach things from a variety of directions.

Please keep posting, Crp2478. (Your first few posts may be delayed in appearing.)