Hi and welcome,
I can relate to you completely. I'm still struggling with my diagnose (dx). I was dx'd last Aug by a therapist and psychiatrist. I started taking meds and felt better. Last week I went for another evaluation. In my mind I was wondering if a mistake was made. The clinician assured me there was no mistake. For the last 9 months I've been going through the motions. I have a weekly routine, I participate in art therapy, I have a strict sleep schedule, I've learned my triggers and I've learned some coping skills. I understand you don't take your meds. I also have a therapist (T) and psychiatrist (Pdoc).

I take meds b/c I'm afraid of having another episode. Prior to being dx'd I had 3 episodes and I was out of control. I know episodes can happen while on meds. But on meds the episodes wouldn't be as often or severe. I'd rather not gamble. There's a lot of info out regarding BP. You can check out the national institute of mental and here, PC. Although I go through the motions I'm still trying to learn who I am now. I don't feel like the same person but that's my opinion. Maybe other people do. I can say I've been pretty stable since getting on the right meds (aside from some depression).