I went to it, I ended up crying and I just feel like such a stupid piece of trash. We are trying to work on my nonexistent self esteem, depression, worry, etc. I just want to be normal and not have my knee hurt and not be so crazy and stuff. I am sick of taking pills and having to do all these things and I just wish I could be okay and not hurt and not be sad and crazy and be like a normal person. I wish I could escape some how.

I wish when I got out of college, I would of just moved far far away and got a job and a house and a dog and lived alone. That way other people wouldn't have to put up with me. And I could of kept everyone at a distance and not got involved with anyone and their mess. My husband and kids would of been better.

She asked if I am suicidal, which I am not, but I wouldn't so much mind if a truck hit me going about eighty. I won't ever admit to that again. I admitted one time to thinking about leaving the car running and taking a nap in it, and about got myself committed! I wouldn't do that anyways I would be scared someone else would get hurt or my dog would if it got into the house.

I don't really want to be dead, I just want to not hurt and not be crazy like I am.

I'm already in bed hoping my husband will just leave me alone and not try to talk to me or get me to eat. I feel bad for worrying him, but I just don't want to have to talk.