Hi all,

i've been taking valium from an online pharmacy for quite a while..
first up; Bad idea. don't do it.

i've stuck to a week on week off.. and luckily by doing so, i haven't experienced any of the horror i've heard about withdrawing from diazepam*.

*however, that could be because i was getting fake medicine..;
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the online pharmaceutical market is a well and truly shady area... with alot of scamming, counterfeits and rubbish going on.
i've recently decided its not worth the risk, and that i won't be buying, nor taking any more pharmaceuticals that don't come from the doctor.

however, i'm now in a retrospective health panic about the purity of the valium i was taking and if they were adulterated, or faked.
My big fear, is if they are fakes.... - there could be anything in them.
They certainly had some valium in them.. but alot of the counterfit products; do have active ingredients,,, just less than they should.
But its the inactive ingredients i'm worrying about.
For instance; they could have heavy metals in them... or a toxic filler....

i'm really getting myself into a state over this; which i know is stupid.
the only reason i went to this internet pharmacy was because i was so stressed, and the doctors wouldn't prescribe me benzodiazepams;
due to substance abuse records they have on me.
it was a desperate move.. and now i'm very worried.

i just can't shake the feeling i've poisoned myself or something... even though i feel physically fine.
i'm obsessing over finding a company/lab to analyse the product and tell me whats in it... - but such a test would cost me hundreds... and it would only be a reassurance seeking excersise...
- as i won't be taking anymore, real or fake.

i know i just need to meditate.. look at this rationally, apply c.b.t
but i can't ... the what ifs have got hold of me.

i have a feeling this is going to bother me for some time..


anyhow,
cheers for reading and any suggestions.
please don't do what i've done;
all the best
C5
x