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Apr 23, 2013, 07:00 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: California
Posts: 2,248
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Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
[B]But everytime you insist on knowing personal details of your T's life outside the room, you triangulate and actually dilute the relationship between you inside the room.
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YOu seem very certain of this. I'm not clear to me how personal details triangulate - or perhaps it is the wanting to know personal details is triangulating. I would like to hear more. The issue of boundaries is something I struggle with a lot and I'm trying to learn more about it.
I just read this over, and perhaps I missed something important. I think for a client to INSIST on personal details could be deadly to therapy. I ABSOLUTELY agree with you. But I think there is a difference between INSISTING, and asking, and wondering & being curious. Although perhaps not. or rather, perhaps that isn't necessarily a bad thing, even if sometimes it is. If I ask about the marital/partner status' of a therapist, and don't want to do marriage therapy with someone who is single, and I insist on knowing before discussing marriage issues, that may be deadly to the therapy, but it's my choice whether to see a therapist for marriage counseling who isn't married. Or if I think cohabiting without marriage is an unwise idea (or shows maturity that I wish in a T), and wnat to know if the therapist cohabits because I think it gives me a sense of shared values, I'm entitled to do that. I might be wrong, but I can ask. The T can choose whether to answer, and we can talk about whether we can resolve the issue.
Perhaps we get to the same end place however, as I agree, the issue behind wanting to know is important.
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