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Syra · Apr 23, 2013, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Syra, I agree with the appropriateness of your examples. What I think can make it problematic and triangulating is the obsessive need to know, not based on any rational reason about one's own therapy, but for some other unhealthy reason.

I think obsessions can be very much like addictions in how they originate and play out. Addictions are often defense mechanisms of some sort, devised to distract, or cover, or get distance from something painful or uncomfortable.

Thanks for your response and taking the time to explain it more fully. I hadn't thought about the overlap between addictions and obsessions, but I think I agree - there are many similarities. I'm not sure if I am understanding fully yet. I obviously agree that an unhealthy reason for wanting to know would be something to explore. And wanting to know personal information can be unhealthy. Even if the T volunteers the information (and sometimes they do).

But an unhealthy desire to know can't be explored without telling the T about one's unhealth questions. And at that point, since I'm the cl and they are the T, I would expect the T help guide the client as well as make their own decisions. I wouldn't expect a client not to ask. That's what they are in therapy for.

Perhaps I heard you differently than you intended. I thought I heard that you suggest that the OP should not ask and should instead work on why they want to know. But I'm thinking that would be a question for the T to consider and sometimes it would be okay, and sometimes not okay to answer. I guess I thought your statement But everytime you insist on knowing personal details of your T's life outside the room, you triangulate and actually dilute the relationship between you inside the room. was suggesting the client work on this by herself, or recongize this dynamic, as clearly a client wanting the information is unlikely to be able to work on that issue without hte aid of the T. I'm thinking I'm hearing the cl has to be better able to assess the issue than the T, if the T is willing to answer the question. I imagine I am very mistaken, but I'm not sure what I missed?

Just to be clear, I totally agree that wanting too much information, or certain information, can be unhealthy. I think it's a good issue to consider. I'm not sure what triangulation is, or what a diluted relationship looks like, but I suspect you are absolutely accurate. It has a feeling of being accurate. It's after that I'm unclear. Should the client be recognizing the triangulation if the T doesn't? Should she be working on it outside of therapy? or inside with a T that doesn't recognize it? I maybe that is where my confusion is.