I don't know why I find trusting and opening up to T so hard. She is doing everything in her power to show me she is trustworthy but I still struggle with it. And every time I try to get closer to her I suddenly panic that I have done the wrong thing and try to retreat.

For example: yesterday she sent me an email, unsolicited. It was basically just her saying that she was proud of me for opening up about certain things that had been hard for me to talk about. I was really happy that she had sent me the email and that she thought of me out of session, so I sent back a very heartfelt reply today.

Now I'm freaking out. WHYYYY did I send that email? Why didn't I write something with less of myself in it, less heartfelt? I feel like I've exposed too much of myself, and given too much. Now I'm worried that she will think I am really needy and pathetic. (Of course I am using my brilliant mind reading skills here )

I'm now trying to work out whether sending that reply in itself was me saying that I trust her on an unconscious level and that maybe in that case it was the right thing to do. Argh. I want to open up so badly but I am so scared of doing so but I don't fully understand why. I'm going to keep telling myself I did the right thing because if I did the wrong thing there is no way I can undo it...

Don't mind me thinking out loud ... always happy to hear your comments/ideas!