Quick background: I'm in a 4 month long long-distance relationship with a guy I went to high school with. We randomly reconnected over Thanksgiving last year and there was a spark. We decided to pursue it even though we knew it would be difficult. I'm in PA and he is in VA so the distance isn't that bad. We talk on the phone a lot, text, Skype occasionally. He came to visit me in PA three weeks ago. I just stayed with him in VA this past weekend because I went to a college reunion thing that is an hour away from his house for the weekend.

The issue(s): He is constantly letting me down. I have no idea if my expectations are too great for this relationship or if its a personality clashing issue. I'm a type-A, planner, always thinking how my actions affect others, worry what others think of me (to the point I won't speak up about certain things and just "suffer" silently). I've been independent for a long time, paying my bills, studying a craft I love in grad school and holding down a decent paying job for the past three years. He is a go-with-the-wind type of person. He's holding down a job but wants a new career every other day. He doesn't plan ahead. He doesn't consider how his actions will affect others. He does what he wants to in the moment and deals with consequences later.

Examples: When he came to visit me in PA, I paid for the trip. He had lost his wallet and he wanted to visit but couldn't afford it. I really wanted to him to come up so I made it his birthday present. I bought him bus tickets and even gave him cab fare to get from his work to the bus stop nearby. He spent the cab money on something else, drove to the bus station, was almost late, parked in employee parking not knowing if his car would be there upon his return, forgot his phone charger and his phone died on the trip up. His bus was late (not his fault) and I was in a sketchy depot for 2 hours waiting for him to arrive. Because he didn't use the cab money so he wouldn't be rushing, he couldn't charge his phone. So I had no idea when his bus would be coming in and sat at the sketchy depot praying to God he would arrive on the next bus. When he finally did come two hours late I flipped with relief and he was nonplussed.

This past weekend, I went to stay with him for the evenings while I did day stuff at a school reunion. I was running late Sunday night and tried to keep in contact with him so he knew about my whereabouts and schedule. I arrived at his house around 11:30pm and called to tell him I was there. He fell asleep. I called 13 times. He left me out in the cold for 45 minutes. I had no way to get into the house, he didn't even tell his roommates I was coming for the weekend so I couldn't ring the doorbell and wake everyone up. I considered trying to sleep in the car. As I was searching for a hotel to check into for the night he finally called. He let me in and fell right back asleep. When we woke up he said he was sorry and kissed me goodbye and went to work. That was that.

What now?: Had he used the cab money for a cab, he'd have not been rushing and could have charged his phone or remembered his charger. Had he set an alarm on his phone knowing I was on my way to his house, he'd wake up to check his messages even if he napped. Its these situations plus the fact I feel I put in at least 75% more effort into this relationship than he does.

But every time an issue comes up, I try to figure out how to talk to him about it and then he redeems himself before I can even bring up the issue. I can't bear the thought of breaking up with him even though he lets me a down a lot. I'm trying to figure out the difference between personal unrealistic expectations and what are normal courteous/affectionate actions I should expect from this relationship. Is this a matter of more awareness on his part or do I want him to change....which is impossible.

Whenever I'm with him I feel like he lights my heart and soul on fire. We've got chemistry and we're very comfortable around each other. But when he leaves I'm just a smoldering abandoned mess....utterly gutted emotionally. I know long distance is hard, I never thought it would be easy....but this is more challenging than I thought and I can't help but think its inadequacy on his end.

Advice, thoughts, "girl, I've been there" are welcome. Thanks.