Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle25
Masimo, thanks for an interesting thread. You received some excellent resposes giving you a lot to think about. For me, even if my T said something similar to yours..."we dont have sex, we cant, bad idea, would be against all ethics and morals but it's still an intimate relationship." Even if he considered a real relationship with me, then, to say at another time that we are just strictly T/client, no more, no less is harsh. Maybe it's real but it sounds harsh. To say that you can never be friends, is hard for some to swallow. Personally, I cannot accept the rules of this kind of relationship, at least, not with my guy (he's special to me). I think you nailed it on the head Masimo when you said you could accept never being together in any way but T/client (I'm just paraphrasing here. Acceptance is key here. You will be able to continue in therapy and do good works. I cannot.  |
In some ways strict boundaries could be seen as helpful. When I spoke to my T about my crush and feelings for my pdoc, I expressed fear of rejection and she asked "why? a relationship is not an option, so it isn't a rejection. Don't think about what the situation could be under different circumstances. It isn't a different circumstance so that doesn't matter". It looks harsher in writing than it did spoken, but it made sense and was so simple. She understood my feelings and of course was concerned that these feelings could interfere with my progress with him if I couldn't keep them in check. It but it gave me a whole new perspective: that a relationship outside of therapy is never possible- so it is never a personal rejection. Never. We can speculate about what could be if circumstances were different, but in reality, it just isn't possible. So dwelling on what could be, when it never can be, may do more harm than good. There are of course real feelings involved and dismissing them as "transference" is frustrating I think. These are real feelings and I agree it is very important to believe T sincerely cares for you, and you aren't just a number. The nature of therapy is so much more intimate than other situations where similar feelings might arise that it is harder to push them aside. If it were the husband of a sibling or friend we were attracted to, in most cases our brains would shut this down, and we would adapt our behavior to not allow the feelings to flourish. But the nature of therapy almost encourages the love to grow if the parties involved are not careful. So, perhaps the boundaries that seem harsh are necessary to avoid the pain or heartbreak. It shuts the possibility down completely and removes the personal element. Of course I might be an oddity and it's taken a long time for this to work, so maybe it's not effective for everyone, but maybe it could be a little helpful. The thought of ending with him is unbearable for me too, but I understand it would be necessary if the personal longing and heartache were to continue...