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HabitualQuitter · Apr 23, 2013, 02:43 PM

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I am having a really hard time. I was Dx in early Feb this year with all the garbage in my signature. I've had side effects with all but one of my meds. One I had to wean off of (Restoril which was written for sleep and is actually a Benzo)! The pdoc that wrote my meds did so while I was inpatient at the hospital. When I got out she wouldn't do any follow up care including writing any refills. She has me at high doses of hardcore meds then refuses to help me. The earliest I can see a pdoc is July 2nd. My previous pdoc knows this, I called her office and left messages to which her receptionist replied she was not accepting new patients regardless that I had been seeing her nurse practitioner for TWO YEARS. Her NP saw me for an EDNOS a while back. Flash forward to the hospital stay and I meet the pdoc whose name has been on my Rx's for two years. And what does she do? She Rx's me the two most common meds to cause weight gain. After writing meds a little over a year ago for an eating disorder!! Seriously? Did she just overlook the info in my file? Did she do it on purpose? The Seroquel has cause ungodly constipation, the Restoril caused urinary retention so bad that I went to the ER to get Rx'd some at lower doeses to taper down so I could stop. I am currently still on a diuretic. Just recently I developed a rash that looks very much like the Lamictal rash pics I googled on FB. I went to the ER and they gave me Prednisone 20mg 4x a day and told me to take Benadryl for the itching. They also kindly said they don't adjust meds even if you are having an allergic reaction to them. So they recco'd that I consult the pdoc that wrote the meds. Impossible, she won't. So they said follow up with a different pdoc, again, impossible, as of now I can't get in until 7/2. I guess the only med I haven't reacted to (yet, or that I know of) is the Inderal. I've been in therapy for 5week or so. I go once a week. I don't feel like the meds are helping, I don't feel like thrapy is doing much. I feel so depressed right now. My husband and sister (my support system) are totally out of patience and grace and my therapist is the only one who understands me. I found an IRL support group.for Bipolar that meets two Thursdays a month. I will go for the first time this week. I am hoping this will help with the loneliness and isolation that I am facing. I hate my life, I hate myself. I feel so alone. I needed to vent. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.