I'm not sure if you've considered this, but alcohol nullifies the positive effects of the medication. So it's possible that different meds would better suit you, but also possible that they need a 2-6 week period with no alcohol to start working. Both alcohol and marijuana have satisfied me in the past, but my head usually gets messed up for about a week after drinking. The last time I smoked marijuana, I ended up telling 30 or so people to go **** themselves because I heard them mocking me out. It turns out they were talking about video games. As insightful as the weed has made me feel at times, I think it puts down my firewall, and I loose the ability to just say no to my paranoid thoughts.

I had one of those epiphanies the other day where I feel that I've realized something very important. It's probably meaningless, but I'd still like to share it: I have only one identity. Everything that I believe people say and think, without being 100% that they verbally express it when I am close enough to hear, is my own single voice.

If I had a higher self esteem, I'd probably think I was a celebrity. A good affirmation for me is "I am me, and I am normal."

Another thing worth mentioning is that I generally only have realizations like this and am able to filter out the crap when I take my meds and don't drink. The world is much brighter for me than it used to be. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just trying to remind you that things can get better. When your head is straight, things like friends start to fall into place.