It sounds like you are having a real internal struggle. If you have not already given in to your impulses, try to hang on for another day. Sometimes that is really the only way to get through. Each day tell yourself to wait one more day.

Since SI is an addiction and habbit, it will take a while for your brain to start a different behavior. It takes about forty days to rewire the paths in your brain to start new habits. That doesn't mean it will completely stop the urges in forty days, but if you can get that far out, you will have a better chance of staying our of that cycle.

At the peak of my SI, if I was trying to stop, I'd have dreams that I had given in and done it. I'd wake up not knowing whether I had really blown it or not. It would take a little time to figure it out. It was definately a stressful time though.

Keep working at it. You can get out of the habit.

Sam2