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Apr 23, 2013, 09:28 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: California
Posts: 2,248
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Originally Posted by ultramar
I disagree -the logic seems to be that because she answered, no boundary was crossed. The therapist was inconsistent, yes, (and as someone else said, I think she may have just been taken by surprise and didn't think), but my point is that how the therapist responded has nothing to do with violating the original boundary/doesn't justify it. I don't think she was necessarily communicating that a boundary wasn't crossed by answering. This T has been crystal clear about not asking about her husband/family. Because she answered doesn't mean that that request has changed.
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I agree with you, that is I agree that I disagree with you and feralkitty. Doesn't determine who is right, and it's for Rainbow to decide how she feels about what each of us are saying and what she will learn.
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I don't think Rainbow has to worry about what is okay and not okay -it's been made clear.
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I guess it's not clear to me. It doesn't have to be clear to me. In responding though, I'm not able to accept that it is clear what the boundary is.
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I think a goal here would be to not focus on can I or can't I in x situation, but consider the intent behind the boundary and honor that.
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That's probably not where I would put my focus.
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If you consider why the boundary was put into place (and this was discussed, this is clear) then the client themselves can make informed decisions based on the intent, the reasoning behind the boundary.
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I'm still not accepting that hte boundary is clear, but assuming it is, I agree, the client can make an informed decision based on the intent. If the client's issues make it uncomfortable for her for some reason, that seems something to take to therapy. I guess what I mean is, IF I assume it was a mistake to ask (and I probably wouldn't do that before discussing it with the T), I would then discuss that to therapy and talk about it, not conclude that I just shouldn't have done it and force myself not to do it again.
YOu may very well be right. Maybe A boundary was crossed that shouldn't have been crossed. I don't know. But assuming that is true, I still see that as a therapeutic issue to discuss, not as a problem I need to control by myself. Perhaps I am misunderstanding you. What am I missing/
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