Hi there,
I know I haven't posted much recently so it's probably unfair of me to ask for advice, but I need it. I need an objective opinion because I know I tend to make things bigger in my mind than they really are, and I need help getting past that.

Here's the abridged version of the situation...

Back in August I met someone on a forum for people with autism/aspergers (still currently undiagnosed), he was a guy my age, lived two states away. We got to chatting on Facebook and really hit it off. I mean really did. It seemed like we shared similar tastes in everything, from art to music, etc. it wa obvious from the day we met that we'd be good for each other in real life. Over the following three months we talked almost daily, and I fell hard for this kid. To this day I still believe the feeling was mutual. We met in August, but the night before Thanksgiving he told me that he'd met a girl a couple weeks beforehand and that he was dating her. (I later found out he'd met her over two weeks before telling me, during which he still acted as if he liked me...hmm) Needless to say, I was heartbroken. I felt like I lost not only what we had, but why we could have had someday, if it were at all possible to date someone 600 miles away.

While I was talking to him that fall, I'd also started talking to someone else on a site called OkCupid. There I met an attractive older boy (I was 18, he was 24) who appeared to really care about me and feel attracted to me. I never acted on this relationship before I stopped talking to the first boy, but after Thanksgiving I reconsidered that. In hindsight I think I was just looking for a distraction from the pain of what happened, and just wanted to be with someone to make me feel better. I talked to this older guy throughout all of December and we met in early January. In a moment of weakness I made the mistake of handing over my virginity to him, obviously I regret that now. We continued to talk almost every day for about two months. Also, during this time, the previous boy would randomly strike up conversations with me every couple weeks or so. We didn't talk in a flirtatious way or anything, we were just friends. I know I felt jealous though, and it was hard to acknowledge that.

This went on until early February when I went on a second date with the older guy. We went on a drive out of town and lost rack of time. When my parents found out where we actually went, their reaction intimidated him enough so that he claimed he "couldn't handle the drama" and broke it off. Of course I was sad, but I was quickly able to admit to myself that all the while he was just using me.

Ok, this is the point at which I start to sound like a slut. Around the end of February I was browsing around OkCupid when I met a guy named Carl. He lived about an hour away and was much closer to my age, just having turned 21. We started talking and discovered we were very similar, sharing tastes in music and everything. We talke for a week before meeting. I liked him a lot, but I knew from the beginning that he used pot heavily. That didn't bother me so much until I found out that he also abused prescription drugs. I met him twice, but by the third week of talking he admitted to still having feelings for his ex girlfriend and between that and the drug use, we broke up. I still talked to the first boy from last fall, but my feelings for him had begun to change at this time. I should mention that before me met his girlfriend, we'd sometimes had dirty conversations and done other things online. (horrible I know) Well before I met Carl he approached me one day and was strangely acting flirtatious as he always had before Thanksgiving. I asked if everything was ok with his girlfriend and he said they were ok, but he didn't get to see her very often and that he felt like I understood him better because of his Aspergers. He eventually asked if I wanted to resume out dirty online activity. Honestly I did, but of couse I felt guilty and wondered if his girlfriend suspected there was anything wrong with their relationship. We didn't end up doing anything, and afterwards I could tell that the fact that he was willing to virtually cheat on her changed how I felt about him. I realized that much of what I thought about him as a person was largely fabricated in my mind. I explain it to myself that it's hard to really gauge a person's personality and mannerisms just from an online conversation. I only ever heard his voice once, also. I imagine that because I didn't really know much about who he was, I subconsciously filled in the "blank" spots of his personality in my mind with only positive traits, I hope that makes sense. Basically I probably built him up in my mind to be better than he really was. I just don't understand why I became so easily attached to him. I guess for awhile he felt like the one who got away, even though he is probably very different than what I imagine. So I fell for what is very much an illusion.

Fast forward to about three weeks ago, April 1st to be exact. I was on spring break and had joined a social networking site called MeetMe to talk to friends. Soon after, I was approached by who would later present himself as the sweetest, most caring boy I've ever met. It didn't take long for Seth and I to hit it off, and even though I've only known him as long as I have, it feels like we have been talking for so much longer. He lives about 20 miles away and is 21 years old. We try to meet up a couple times a week, and honestly it already feels like it could go somewhere. I've never felt like this before, for anyone, not even the first boy from last fall. The only thing that's bothering me, and my reason or writing this, is because of the fact that last week, that boy started messaging me again. He came online the other night and told me my pictures on Facebook were cute and sounded jealous when I told him about Seth. Ever since then I have not been able to stop thinking about him, except that all of those thoughts have been negative ones. I don't want to think about him, I want him out of my life! Even if I miss his friendship, I realize that this whole thing confuses me so I blocked him on Facebook. Before the other night I ne'er thought about him. I was turned off by the way he wanted to have sex online while dating someone, and I realized that all throughout the time I've known him, there were always little things that indicated that maybe he wasn't as perfect as I'd made him out to be. Like the way that he claimed to be constantly busy and couldn't talk, even though he dropped out of school, does not work, and spends his time playing the guitar. Or the one awkward conversation we had in which he told me that he likes "really skinny girls." (at the time I was 70+ pounds overweight) He told me that he liked me, but would pull away from me when I reached out to try to give him affection. If the reason I can't stop thinking about him and all this really is because part of me misses and still likes him, then I at least know that it's not like it was months ago. I realize that I greatly idealized him. But still, I would give anything to put all this to rest and move on with my life. I already care a lot about Seth and its definitely mutual. I can see myself having something long term with him. It feels different this time, I guess that's why it bothers me about that boy, because this time I want him out of my life forever.

Can someone help me analyze this? Why am I thinking about him? I know he had an impact on my life but I want to be done with it.