((Aether)),

This usually happens when someone didn't get the right nurturing when they were very young. We are designed to "cry out" when we are children when we are frightened and need "comforting". Our parent, mother specifically is supposed to come to us and offer us comfort so we slowly learn what our emotions that are forming mean and not to be so afraid of them. We are designed to be held, comforted, talked gently to, and slowly feel safe so we can slowly explore our world and if we get scared, a comforting presence is there to reassure us and we learn "someone is watching over us".

People who develope BPD, are people that did not get that and because of that, they will get upset when they have emotions, because they never really learned how to be ok with "emotions" by the nurturer. And getting upset when "trying to show affection" would also indicate that in your childhood, your efforts to show a mother affection in hopes to gain approval and affection was also rejected because you did not have a mother give you permission to do that as well, she probably "rejected you" , "don't do that, leave me alone, I am too busy, go play, get off of me etc.

We as human beings are designed to be comforted, loved, and constantly given permission to thrive by our nurturers. When we do not get that we "do suffer" and it is truely "not our fault" either.

The biggest challenge with BPD, is a constant fear of rejection and alot of anger and frustration because there is a sense that at some point there will come hurt and rejection. There is a very deep "lack of being able to trust" and often frustration and anger, yet such a huge desire to somehow have some presence hold us and take us away someplace safe.

There is often a constant desire, yet a deep disbelief that true comfort can or will truely take place. It takes time and "the right therapy" to help the person suffering to slowly learn how to understand it on a more conscious level and develope better skills and achieve more "self esteem" so that emotions are better understood and the fear of rejection is also better understood as well. It is not unusual for someone with these issues to be "high achievers" yet stll struggle with all these other areas they don't understand.