I want to first thank everyone for their response's.

I have a little bit of an update to give you. Well a big one.

First off I'll go with the good news. After going to group this past Thursday to say my good-byes and they wanting me to still come to group even if I can't pay, 2 annoymous donors have come to my rescue. Even if it is just for one month. I have received money from two people within the group. $100 to help go towards my phone and internet so that won't be turned off and $100 for food since I am not getting my foodstamps anylonger. So that was a big relief.

Friday I posted that I took my power back and really couldn't give much detail. I have found out a great deal of stuff.

This state is one of the worst states for mental illness in the US. Our state is for the rich. They think that they are better than any other state here in the US and want to run their own medicaid system. So they choose not to use medicaid instead they use their own system. When you are on their insurance and because I'm on SSI I don't have a choice but to use them, you have to go to agencies that are provided. All the agencies are run by one big agency. It over sees all the stuff that is going on. You make complaints and what not to them. This is my second agency with them that I have tried to use. I still get no where.

I can only go on the 3 month waiting list for therapy if I was SI or had just came out of the hospital after a SI attemp. If I met that qualifications, since I am DID I have to guarantee that my alters don't come out in therapy. *Whatever!*

My pdoc was in a car wreck. She is the only one that I trust within that agency to do anything. They refuse to leave her a message. To be able to talk to one of the nurses or my pdoc I have to go through my case manager. It is their rules. Well my case manager is so useless. I told her so also. Friday I was so fuming mad that I went off on everyone that I had on the phone.

I was later told that the money that they are getting just is not there to help any of the clients that really need it. That basically their doors are almost to the point of closing. I asked why they stay opened if they can't help anyone. The answer was to make it look good to get money to stay opened. Basically the money that they are bringing in is just enough to cover for their workers. I said well they are just cold and heartless. The comment was yes cold because they don't have the income to help anyone, but not heartless. I said if I was in that type of job and I knew that I was there to help people and I knew that I couldn't do anything to help, then I wouldn't stay there. That would just break my heart with everyone needing help. So to me they are cold and heartless.

I was asked by the main agency that runs them all what I wanted to do. I said, well what type of help can you give me? They said what we have been doing for you. I said so your telling me the only thing you can do is keep giving me medication that doesn't work on me because that is all that you and the insurance will pay for and that is it? They said again that they will continue doing what they have done for me to now. I said well if that is the case then I don't need to be with your agency's. They don't help and are useless.

I was so angry and flying off the wall. I was yelling telling them that the system didn't protect me when I was a child and now the system is failing me again. I said what type of justice is in this world. Only help the rich? She said to me that no one ever said that the world or life was fair. That pissed me off even more. I told them to shut my case down and don't worry about me being with you all anylonger. She said well you know you won't be able to get any type of psych meds from anywhere else and you cannot see any pdoc's unless you pay for them all yourself. I said I know quite well what you are saying. I have been there for the past 4 years.

I'm still in communication with my old T. Well she says she is still my T through October. I'm not sure about after that. To go to the support group, you must have a T to attend. The group as a whole wants me to continue and they said that they will all pay a little extra so that I can continue to go. That was so sweet of them. Due to both of the T's going to be gone for the next two weeks there won't be another group until November 16. So I have a ways to go before I go again.

I still can communicate with T via email. So at least I will have that. I'm sure she will contact me on the phone every so often to see how I am doing.

So things are somewhat better. Thanks everyone for their responses and caring.