Liveforfish,
my wife does know, and is very, very disturbed by it. I have not done it seriously since 2011, but the few times I did it since moving back to my childhood home, we were not intimate, so she did not know. She is hyper-vigilant about it though...
I thought about the bdsm aspect to it, but it's really just something different I think... the risk is too great, and it's a solo thing...
As for approaching my T, he is a male, and I don't think I could talk to him about it. I can barely stand that my old T knows, and she was not openly judgmental to me (I doubt she was judgmental at all, but I don't know for sure... she is only human after all)... I was not the one to tell her though, she got the reports from the hospitalizations... I still can't talk or write about it without dissociating to a degree (even when journaling about it)...
I have a different group tonight... I will approach that T about talking to my individual T about something embarrassing and disturbing, and maybe the best way to go about it... I know I need to address it because I am so close to giving in...