Let's see here: What am I getting out of continuing this cycle? A certain security; familarity; a rush ("Action! I'm Alive), yeah - gotta agree, there. If nothing is happening and I am not feeling anything (and when I am feeling something, it is always exaggerated (histrionics), then I will feel compelled to bring chaos about (Mostly in my mind, as I have some degree of control), resulting in my own demise, so to speak (trashcan lid in the face).
Sooooo, let me think.....

MY DISTRACTION IS EXTREME THINKING! But why such a need for such a heightened rush? My body doesn't allow for normal levels? Nor my mind? Both in tandem, from what I have found.

Continual chaos was a big part of my younger years, so the absence of such is what my body/mind thinks it needs. I can relate...

It's the INABILITY of being able to control what my distraction is other than extreme thinking. That is what keeps me distressed, thus my "complaining" about it.

You are probably right insofar as the number of lids I do actually get hit with (and yes, the 20-30 I would absolutely insist upon!) as opposed to the false number I actually think are flying around (great way of putting it, by the way. Took me a while, but I got it!).

Oh, and just to show you where my mind is at - what happens when I start concentrating on the ones that miss me? I'll just end up creating the circumstances that will eventually lead to my getting hit with those ones!!! What a s***, eh?

It never stops....


Oooh, gotta fly! Where does the time go when one is on-line?

Altered State