The crisis team have been out on a couple of occasions recently, they refer me on supposedly, to more appropriate people, then I never hear anything. My GP today said that they are notorious for doing this, saying they'll refer you on and then not doing so. Since I've heard nothing from anyone, I assume this is what's happened. He's referred me for CBT and says that Diazepam will do for now. I see one psychiatrist once and he writes that I have bipolar, no explanation given whatsoever, no treatment/care plan done. I was offered antipsychotics which I refused to take, because I have no explanation and feel what if its a mistake (wouldn't be the first time notes have been mixed up with someone else's) then I'm taking these drugs for what. Not knowing if they'll help or hinder me. I'm not prepared to take something unless they've properly discussed with me why I've been given this. Anyone else I have seen after, I have explained that on paper apparently I have bipolar, they have then disagreed with me, offered no other explanation, said all my issue is is anxiety which is a load of crap, then tried to palm me off with antipsychotics again. I do suffer with anxiety, yes, and it is a huge problem. But, I also have other symptoms that I see are also a huge problem. I don't really care about being labelled, as long as I know what's what and can feel safe that whatever treatment is offered, if any, is the right treatment. I've researched into both bipolar and DID, while some things about bipolar I think yes, that sounds familiar, it still doesn't add up in my head. When I read about the other, that actually makes more sense I think. Yet the only person who really listened to me and tried to explain anything was a therapist I saw for months, who saw some big differences in me and recognised many of my symptoms, couldn't diagnose and therefore provide a plan of action because it wasn't her job to do that. My problem is, it's not just GPs that seem to avoid any questions I have, it's everyone I speak to.
I think partly I need to know what's wrong because I can be clear on what I need to do and for me that provides security, knowing that this or that treatment is what's recommended rather than going in blind. They just seem to throw this or that pill at me, expect me to bend over but I won't, because it doesn't feel safe. There's no one explaining to me why they're giving me that, why they think it'll help, it's just take this and shut up.
I think my GP has some idea of what I'm talking about, but I don't really see taking Diazepam and just leaving it there a good idea. I get moaned at by other GPs in the surgery that I shouldn't be taking them, some even try to stop my prescriptions or attempt to give me fewer without discussing it with me first. I don't really think a pill that is supposed to be for short term use, is very helpful, especially as now I have been using it on and off for three years. Apparently you're not meant to take it more than a month. This isn't getting to the bottom of my problems, it's just temporarily making me not give a **** about them, then when the effects wear off, I may not be in a panic any more, but I still have the rest of my symptoms to deal with, but more consciously. This I don't find helpful. Helpful to stop a panic attack yes, but not helpful in any other respect. I was also under the impression (perhaps I'm incorrect, I don't know) that with a diagnosis, you have a more tailored treatment plan which may stand a chance of working, rather than throwing any old pill in my direction.