Oh, I want to respond to all of you. I'll try.

No, "normal" still doesn't feel good, but I get that whatever you are experiencing is part of the getting through it. It just feels like I should be farther along in my process.

Which leads to the "obsessive" thinking and T's question about OCD. My first thought was, Great! Another item to add to my list of "bad things about me." But he doesn't know yet about my BPD, and I think that could explain the obsessive thinking as well - the abandonment issues and doing crazy stuff to try to keep someone from leaving you, or in this case, trying to get them back.

Syra, you nailed it about not feeling better for reporting T. Even if that brought me "justice," it would not feel nearly so good as reconciliation. I don't believe the public is in danger, so my reason for reporting would be purely personal. I don't agree with T's views on this, either.

learning1, you told your T and her jaw dropped? Of course, I really would like to hear more about that!

Hankster, did something I said trigger you in some way? Everything is about xT right now, and part of my frustration with the slowness of the t process is that once I work through that, there's still all the old stuff to deal with. But I hope Syra is right when she says that working through one layer has a ripple effect on the layers beneath.

Jungatheart, I get what you're saying about the 45 minutes. I do tend to hang all my hopes on those minutes and I know that's not helpful or real. I know I need to work outside that time, and it's part of my struggle. Huge.

Yes, this is the most amount of sessions I've had with a new T. I saw T#8 for 3 sessions as well. But this is the first time I've scheduled a 4th! I thought I was doing good to start this last session by telling him I was ready for him to help me. That this would be a window into how he works. I've told him that this has taken over my life and I need it to stop being all-consuming. I can't be more specific than that. I guess I wish he had just given me one concrete thing to take away and be able to use. Maybe I need to put it that way next week.