I have been planing to see a therapist because i can see myself only getting worse rather than better, but sometimes i just feel like i'm too damaged to be rapaired and like its just because i'm not meant to be that person i work so hard to be. I'm not meant to be happy. I want to get better but there is this side of me that just wants to hurt and pushes both love and any good inside me away. I have suffered from depression for a long time and medication helps, but numbs me, no emotions, and not a care for what happens. I like to feel highs and lows, mostly highs, i love to smile, but hate that smiling is only a memory in my mind. I wish there was a way i could keep a normal feeling without the medication for depression.....