Quote:
Originally Posted by Inedible
Okay. My mom told me that I am part Native American. I had no way of knowing that on my own and it didn't play a part of my experience growing up. It wasn't something personal to me. Suppose I found myself starting to imagine smallpox blankets, land deals for cheap beads, alcohol addiction, broken treaties, and the suppression of local language and culture. Suppose that I did this to the point where it was beginning to affect the way I see people in my life, especially those closest to me. It is beginning to affect my personal relationships. I start to see their behavior as just another piece of centuries of abuse. This is clearly having an impact on my own quality of life at this point. Maybe someone comes along and reminds me that I didn't always feel this way. There was a time before I took on all those other people's pain and I can let it go.
Or maybe you mean the second part.
If I were to choose the defining quality of a bf/gf relationship it would be sexual tension. It is not a "just friends" situation. It also tends to be exclusive; in this case it means that the bf doesn't get to be sexual with other women. I was asking, when you made him your bf instead of keeping him as "just a friend", what did you expect? What did you want? Why did you choose to make it a deeper, more exclusive relationship? And I was asking the original poster, of course.
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Thank you very much for responding! I was curious about both parts. I appreciate your insight about the first half. I think I'm currently struggling with something similar, but in regards to being a woman and the tension between a career, marriage, and motherhood that has been going on since the 1800's. But that's irrelevant to this thread.
The second part had me a little upset at first. I agree that a defining factor of a relationship between boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, same-sex couples, etc, is the sexual tension. But at the same time, there shouldn't be any guilt or manipulation involved. If he's so concerned about his own needs, he should take care of them himself until he's ready to actually respect her boundaries because clearly, he's not mature enough for a real, healthy relationship. Relationships do not mean your boundaries collapse and the other person, male or female, can do whatever they want with you. You are still individuals with individual rights and very realistic expectations of being respected and being able to say no and not feel guilty. When it comes to sex in relationships, if someone wants to go slower, that's their body and their right, and the other person should be respectful of the decision to wait.