I'm new here. Hi. I'm just posting in hopes that writing out what is going on will help me somehow or someone might be able to tell me what is happening to me. I feel so completely scared right now. I can't explain it very well but I'm afraid. I think I'm afraid I will fall apart, afraid I really am worthless, afraid I am wrong about everything, afraid no one loves me. I'm suffering so much and I just want it to stop. I'm frozen. I can't do anything. Just thinking about having to take a shower, pick up my kids from school or - the absolute worst- take my daughter to soccer practice, drives me to tears. I can't make any progress on my work. I'm so alone, I'm so scared, I don't know what to do anymore.
I have an appointment with PDoc in one week. I'm trying so hard to just keep hope that that will help me. But I feel like I'm going to be "discovered", that everything will fall apart. That everyone will realize that I'm crazy....lose my job, lose respect of my kids. My heart is just broken and I can't tolerate myself.
I don't even know if it's OK to post this here. I just don't have anyone and I need someone.