I just had a break-up. Its been 3months. It was my fault, my girlfriend loved me, and I cheated on her with my ex-boyfriend. I did it on purpose. I wanted to push her apart with no reason. I started to feel like I am stuck here forever. I used to get panic attacts just by thinking of all this. This same thing happned when I was dating my ex-boyfriend. My relation was perfect, there was love and care. I don't know why I always push people apart who love me. I hurt people and myself. I miss her so much. Don't know why I do that always. When I push people I feel like its the right thing to do. Done this before. I push them, and when they are completely out of my life, I miss them. I feel so guilty and alone. Worst thing is I can't talk to anyone about it. I am a bisexual, and nobody from my family or friend knows about it. I live in such a place where even love marriage is a sin, so this is a much bigger thing. Am I scared to accept the reality? Or is it just my looser attitude? I feel like there is a devil inside me trying to destroy every happiness in my life. I feel so low about myself. Such a horrible person.
I know there is no way she is comming back to me. How can I change myself and not be an asshole?? Why on earth I do that always??