Pinkandgrey I totally understand how you feel! Your words could have been my words about 3 months ago! Even the thought of going out with a friend for coffee seemed insurmountable because I thought that i was such a piece of junk that I couldn't even hold a decent conversation or something alone those lines (hard to put into words). I have kids and feared seeing the other parents at the ball games because i felt so socially awkward and like such a downer. Just to give you hope I switched meds to lithium and it worked like magic for me. I have been on it for a few months now and feel normal for the first time in a vvvvery long time. The depression is gone and I am interacting with the public and doing just fine at work. I hope you find the right doc and the right med. to help you through. You have support here and (importantly) people who understand. (((HUGS)))