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So after calling everybody and their brother I think I am out of luck. It's beginning to look as if I'm going to have to go in as a Psych ER patient and have them admit me. I really don't want to leave my family again. I was gone for almost 3 weeks. My children are homeschooled so it's not as if they have a place to go everyday when my husband goes to work. Last time all three girls (8, almost 6, & 3.5yrs) went to the daycare at my church (free of charge). I think my oldest could stay at my sisters and the other two do the daycare program again. The church said if I ever needed anything they'd do whatever they can to help is again. The daycare isn't at capacity so 2 extra kiddos doesn't really affect anything. That was a Godsend. I think going inpatient last time was so hard because #1 I slipped out in the middle of the night #2 Almost killed myself #3 Have no recollection of any of that #4 Worried everyone due to the uncertainty that swarms over when I go free, how bad my condition was, etc.

I think this time it could be different because I'm going in as a proactive (not reactive) part of my own recovery. I'm reaching out for supervision and management of my meds. I haven't seen a pdoc in 2months. I can't keep going like this. Every night when I take that Seroquel it hits like a cinderblock on my chest. I feel like I am drowning, I can't swallow, I have restless legs, hallucinations, it's awful
I'm concerned about being on high doses of hardcore meds without someone in the know monitoring me. I need to know how long to wait this out. Is the Seroquel worth it with these side effects? My eyes are so fuzzy from Lamictal that I can't drive at night and if for some reason I absolutely have to I have to wear sunglasses. The original pdoc I saw inpatient had me on 30mg a night of Restoril for sleep. I found out the worst way possible that it's a frickin Benzo! I tried to cut back on the Restoril because of serious urinary retention issues only to trip out with cold sweats, tingly skin and scalp, auditory hallucinations and it sucked bad. I went to the ER a couple weeks ago and after eleven & 1/2 hours they wrote me 3 pills for 15mg and 3 for 7.5, so it was a 6 day taper. I've been off of it for a couple weeks now but I have to take Phenergan & Benadryl to get to sleep every night. I developed a rash 5 days ago that looked eerily similar to the Lamictal rash. Went to the ER again where they gave me Prednisone and said,"We can't adjust your meds even if you're having an allergic reaction to them." NO ONE WILL TOUCH A PSYCH PATIENT'S MED REGIMEN. I'm uninsured, I'm feeling hopeless. I don't want to spend another three weeks in the hospital just to get straightened out. I hate this. Idk what to do!!!!