it definately sounds like you are at the crest of a cycle of some sort. it is great that you have an appt scheduled. there is always that fear of discovery, but when you look on the flip side of discovery, you find resilience. you have been coping all this time without others knowing. you have had the strength to get through and that is what you focus on. it is hard in times like this to think we have the energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other but that is when we look to our resources and ask for assistance where ever we can get it...like you did by calling you dad. asking for help is not a sign a weakness, it is a strenght because we recognize that we need to reach out. we are being honest with ourselves and reaching out and not pushing and expecting of ourselves more than we can give. respect for self is very honorable. keep honoring yourself and take care...i, like middlepath, found the right meds to change my life and the difference is incredible. i wish i reached out for help sooner. make sure to advocate for yourself with your pdoc and find a good therapist to get you to a healthy spot in your life.