When you start thinking this way just use your empathy for others to turn it around. Ask yourself what a child who has recently been diagnosed with cancer or some other horrible affliction did to deserve it. The answer is nothing, and that applies to your situation as well.

I have never felt what you are feeling. My recurring, unproductive and destructive mantra since being diagnosed has been "why couldn't I have known sooner?".

My life was such a struggle, so much pain for me and my family. If I had only known ..........

But it isn't productive to think as either of us are. We can't change it so we need to focus on what we can do.

I hope you feel better soon.