Hello I hope you are doing well at this time. As with any behavior,it is very hurtful to find that you have days, where you are not fully recovered as you thought, and you feel that you should be further ahead in recovery than you are, and it leads to depression and a sense of failure. You just had one bad experience, and you went a while without the behavior, and you just have to get back to your behavior techniques that helped you not to pull your hair out and get back into a recovery status. You know that you did well in the past, and you can do well agian if you want to, and stay with your decision that you want to help yourself, and take the time neded to do what is necessary to help yourself stay in recovery. The lightbulb is to remind you, that we all have bad days, it takes courage to admit a failure, and it takes courage to persevere, and take charge in life again, which you will do in time. I hope the best for you I am going to leave you my email address in case you wnat to email anytime, neohiodbsa@yahoo.com Take care Soidhonia.