I used to burn myself alot with lighters as a teen. In my adult life I've played chicken by putting my forearm against someone else's, puffing a cigarette until the cherry is huge and dropping it on our arms. First one to pull away loses. I have a very high pain tolerance and always felt a release after. After cleaning up (not messing with drugs anymore, having my first child, etc) all that changed. Until a couple months ago (first child now 8yrs old). I slammed an Xbox controller (first thing near me) into my forehead over and over. A second time I slammed my forehead on the counter top. I was convinced I has to have 2 black eyes. That was last year. My first (what I consider) serious self harm came at the end of a week in a manic episode. I don't remember the week at all or the suicide attempt. I dug down to an artery, was covered in burns and bruises all over my thighs. I didn't know at the time what I was doing. I still don't remember any of it. I cont'd digging to that artery inpatient because they gave me things like staples (on paperwork that had my 4 digit code to give people that I allowed to call, floor rules, etc.). I can't say I saw any triggers. But with the borderline I also have the Bipolar diagnosis and idk if that makes any difference with regards to "losing time," or "not seeing it coming." If you feel compelled to self harm just scream at the top of your lungs, do something very physical (jumping jacks for example) and stay away from sharp objects. My T told me to ask my husband to lock up all sharp objects (scissors, knives, etc.) as well as lighters because I lost time again on Easter. I came to with a 9in surrated knife, lacerations on my thigh and multiple burns on my thigh, lighter in the other hand. It's a mess, and it's really hard. Once you open that door you can't go back and it's one more thing to worry about. Hiding the wound, keeping it clean from infection, the cycle of self harm becomes addictive from the chemical releases in your brain. It's like a drug. Im sorry for rambling, but I want to be as real as i can with you. My 3 daughters still ask about the healing wounds and scars on my body. It sucks.