Quote:
Originally Posted by Bipolarartist
I feel my T can give me something, an indescribable something that I lack. I don't know what it is, but it's missing and in some kind of Wizard of Oz way I want my T to bestow it upon me. It's there when I look at him but I can't see what it is. I would like to ask him for a hug but I know he will say"no" or even worse, "What will it mean to you?"
I'm feeling lost in T lately, like we don't connect anymore. I'm seeing him at the end of the month to discuss EMDR again, but before I start that I feel I want this mysterious "something"
Thanks for reading my rant.
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I am back to this place you describe. I find it extremely painful and I talk myself out of wanting a hug from him, or anything else concrete for that matter. Typical pattern for me as in "Stop wanting what you can't have". I pushed the feeling away and lost all connection with my T, and worse...to the point where I imagine a hug being extremely uncomfortable coming from him. Not the comforting, warm, loving thing I imagined 2 1/2 years ago (before the 'once you get to know me you'll run away' set in).
So I don't recommend that you push it away or just let it die. Anyway, we are back to discussing this again...I never outright asked him for a hug because I didn't want the inevitable feelings of rejection that come with the 'NO'. But he knows I wanted to ask. He suggests that I think of it as a metaphor for what I want/need from him and explore the feelings instead of pushing them away. I find this an extremely difficult and painful concept. I suppose if I could actually imagine myself getting the hug for as long as I need it, it would be helpful. Unfortunately, so far I can only imagine a 'hug that I will never get'. It's going to be a huge block to get past, I'm getting triggered big time just writing this. It makes some kind of sense though - you've got to be able to imagine that something good COULD happen to you or it probably never will.