I'm sure Miguel is not mad or dissapointed by the fact that you decided to bring him into this world, I don't know any child who thinks "WTH were my parents thinking when they had me, they shouldn't have done that"...

Life has handed you a raw deal MM, and its ok to express your anger, hurt and frustration at that, but never, never go thinking it is your fault, or your punishment.

Such thoughts are counter-productive, because you can't pinpoint what you did wrong (because it doesn't exist) and therefore you can't make "ammends" or do penance, to "fix" the situation, which just leaves you asking more questions with the same counter-productive theme.

Life knocks us around enough, we don't have to join in by beating ourselves up, so please stop it, and use that energy to do something nice for yourself instead