I am a 40 yo woman in a relationship with a 38 yo man. We have been living together for about 9 months. When we fist started dating sex was frequent and very good. A few months into the relationship I started a conversation about sex, wanting to talk about likes, dislikes, fantasies etc. He didn't really contribute to the conversation, and when I pushed a bit he got a little angry, raised his voice and told me that he just likes plain sex, no weird stuff, etc. I was embarrassed and felt like he thought I was weird for wanting to talk about my fantasies. But I backed off. Our sex was a little "vanilla" but was still very enjoyable for me. Shortly after I moved in the sex became less frequent, I was often turned down or he just couldn't maintain an erection. Of course that made me feel horrible even though logically I kNew it probably wasn't about me. Then a few months ago i stumbled onto some porn videos on his computer. Really rough bdsm stuff. I was surprised but not offended or disgusted in any way. I didn't say anything to him about it at the time. But during sex I did start becoming more vocal about what I wanted, I actually like it a little rough lol. But he would basically ignore what i said. And if I pointed out something he did that I liked (hair pulling, biting etc) he would not do it again at all. I started paying closer attention to his activities and I noticed that sometimes he would turn me down for sex but as soon as I leave the house he would masturbate to bdsm porn. I thought about it for a long time and i decided to have a talk with him because I thought maybe he was afraid I would be upset about this interest and might feel better and more comfortable with me if he knew I wasn't disgusted and was actually curious myself and willing to try some things with him. Long story short I was told that he could never do those things with me, can't think about me that way, is not willing to talk about these interests with me and is not willing to watch any of it with me. I am so hurt and confused not to mention embarassed. I am paranoid when I leave the house that he is obsessing over these videos and pleasuring himself with that instead of with me. I feel left out and he doesn't seem to understand why. I don't feel I would mind him viewing porn if it was of things he was willing to explore with me. I watch porn too but usually only when he won't have sex with me. He says the thought of watching ANY kind of porn with me makes him extremely uncomfortable and he is not willing to do it. I am hoping that there is a man out there who has felt something similar to this and maybe can help me understand. I am not sure I can accept this and if something doesn't change I may have to end it.