I think Harley's idea has many merits, as follows:

- it gives the bf the benefit of the doubt, which is nice and kind
- it helps explain his behavior. The only other explanation for his failure to grasp why you feel left out is an extreme degree of mental retardation. That explanation is dubious because mental retardation cannot affect a person selectively and you would have noticed its manifestations in non-sexual contexts. The way Harley reasons his way through the bf's possible state of mind actually explains bf's behavior.

If that all is true, you need to write the bf a letter. Write, because oral communications, with the notable exceptions of oral sex for people who enjoy it, are deficient in many ways: they do not create a record and are not repeatable, they are much more easily misinterpreted, they introduce interference, can cause anxiety etc.

So compose and edit a letter, without interference and without rushing yourself.

State what happened, just neutrally and factually.

State that you suspect that what happened, happened of his respect for you.

State that you appreciate being respected.

Then say that his respect the way he expresses it is misguided, ill conceived, and counter-productive.