Running a community -- any community, whether it's a face-to-face support group of 5 people, or an online community of thousands -- is hard work. It requires daily efforts on the part of a half dozen or more people, including dozens more of dedicated, long-time members who have earned the community's respect and admiration for the time they spend here.

In every community, there will be conflict and people who simply do not get along with one another. It's inevitable. Nothing can be done to stop it. It is the nature of the complexity we share as human beings to like some more than others, and to dislike others actively.

In a face-to-face setting, one's options are fairly limited if you are forced to interact with someone you don't like. You can keep your interactions limited and brief, or you can tell them what you think of them in hopes they will change. But the latter will rarely result in the desired change, and will usually just increase the animosity and dislike.

The same is true in an online setting. Just because we're online, it shouldn't mean that we should just PM a person or vaguely refer to another member to dress them down or tell them what we *really* think. I always say, before writing something in one of these little text boxes, ask yourself one question -- Would I be as comfortable saying this to the person's face in real-life? If the answer is yes, please, go ahead. But if the answer is more likely no, then reconsider what you're thinking of writing.

But this simple (perhaps simplistic) advice goes beyond this community and the little reply text boxes in which we compose our thoughts. It goes to respecting the boundaries and limits we've purposely placed on our community. One of these limits is expressed in our Community Guidelines, which sets a sort of foundation of understanding one another here and each members' expectations of one another.

But another boundary perhaps isn't so clearly defined, and that's the boundary of taking what is said here and discussing it elsewhere.

We have no limits on such an action, but it's clear to me that such behaviors can be upsetting to some members here who want their words and actions to stay here, within the community. They don't want their words reproduced elsewhere, even anonymously, even just to make a point. I can understand that, and want to find a way to respect that, because that's the way it's always been here.

To me, what the issue really boils down to is simple respect. Respect of one another's thoughts, feelings, and words here. If someone knows you don't want something done, but does it anyway, they are saying, "I understand your wish, but I don't respect it."

We come together in a community of caring and support. This is not a place for academic debate, for in-depth discussion and analysis of research and whether one treatment is proven more effective than another. While certainly some of that goes on here, it is *not* the community's main purpose.

So I ask each and every one of you, even if it comes as second nature to you, to please continue to show respect for your fellow members, even those members you dislike. Respect is a cornerstone of the place we've built here, and when I see it being slowly eroded by a stray action here by this member, or an unthoughtful or unthinking word there by another member, it really hurts.

There is no single, huge issue that brings this post on. Instead, it's a culmination of a number of smaller, but constant smaller issues that seem to continue to rear their heads and create a quality-of-experience issue here for some members. I would like members to take a step back, take these words to heart if you see yourself in any of them, and remember that the next time you go to post something or PM someone about something, or write something somewhere else.

As always, thank you for your continued support -- it is much appreciated.

DocJohn