I am a young female.

When I was ten I watched a movie that had a pedophile as one of the antagonists. Later on I found that the movie allowed me to see flashes back into my past: it trigged memories. I hardly remember anything at all, but the answer that I was raped earlier on in my life, I remember a man.

As I was and am growing in the next few years, I meet this girl. Her and I became very close, and now we are a romantic couple. I had found my sexuality: bisexual. (We've been together for a year and one month.)

But soon after I realized I had no sexual attraction towards her or the female body in general. I am highly attracted to feminine attributes, but not to the body. But I still am attracted to males.

I was introduced to television, books, and movies with sexual content. Now that I was able to watch such things, without much stress as before. Finding sexual content with females disgusting, disturbing, and sickening. I could not handle it, only the male romantic relationships involving sexual acts I am able to be tolerant of.

That is how I've come to the conclusion: I feel as though I've been born in the wrong body. Ever since I was little I've never felt connected to my body, or truly recognized it as myself. Yet I still see myself as feminine and I love it when others are feminine: but the body I find disgusting.

I find it strange.

I don't understand why it's like this for me and what is the possible diagnosis If it was because of my traumatic experience, the introduction, or at birth?