I guess something was trigger yesterday, because I'm starting to fall into that mode again. Everything was ok, and and now... I don't know, feeling like ending it. I just don't like this anymore, nothing I do is right, everyone makes fun of me and put me down. I feel so sad and lonely, losing interests again. Wish I had a friend. I had a friend at work years ago and he visited me sometimes and I found out he had a heart attack and died. I wonder what it would feel like to die like that. I think that is how I want to die, afterall, all I eat is fatty food and food that is not good. I think I may have had a minor attack, cause I have had a sharp pain near my heart. I haven't told anyone, because I wish it would happen already. But with my luck, I wont die. That is the way my life is, I have to live in torture and pain.