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Old Apr 27, 2013, 10:27 PM
Evil Schnoodle's Avatar
Evil Schnoodle Evil Schnoodle is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: NY State
Posts: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark_Soldier.750 View Post
I moan on and on about a part of life that I dislike, I blow it out of proportion. I say things that I would rather kill myself if I knew I could never change. And I say these for attention, to get people to feel sorry for me, so they can sympathize with me. I have never had a loving or close relationship with anyone or anything. I do it also in the hope of gaining advice, but I never take this advice on board, I complain so much more whatever anyone says in the hope that I can "win" the argument with them if they confront or question me online in regards to what I say. I do it on purpose, to wear them down, in the then when I don't get advice. I do it over and over again, I ignore everything the say and the complain when I wear them down. I try it on with others. I don't take the advice, constantly whining on here. I don't expect to change anytime soon. I shouldn't complain, because I do nothing about the situation, but then again I do because there's nothing else to do. It's like I'm doing all of this on purpose, to annoy, or make people angry.
I recognize some of these patterns in myself...except I would say that I don't do these things intentionally. Procrastinating, seeking advice from multiple people then doing what was already doing in the first place, feeling like I need to 'win', believing I can never change.....I know these things like the back of my hand. But , for me, I've learned that it is because of many reasons, like feeling afraid, unsure, ambivalent, and powerless. The ambivalence is HUGE - wanting to change but also not wanting to at the same time. Keeps me comfortable in my own 'stuckness'.

Here is a a quote you might find interesting. I wish you well....

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
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"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” - Carl Rogers
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"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin