I'm not really disagreeing with Harley's and Hamster's interpretation, just adding one of my own. There's nothing to say they couldn't both apply equally well. I'd better start with an example (rather a long one, I'm afraid):

Most of the time I'm not much into performing arts, though once in a great while I'll get inspired and surprise myself. Over the years I've had friends who'd get enthusiastic about, oh, putting together a puppet show, or a skit, or a dance number, and they'd sometimes invite me to perform with them. I'd usually decline nicely, wish them well, let them know I admired what they were doing, and sometimes support them in various ways -- from offstage. The idea wasn't that I'd never, ever perform -- it was that I perform only when I feel like it, I hardly ever feel like it, and when I do feel like it, it's just for that moment and I don't want to commit to doing it on cue.

My friends (and these were different friends on different occasions) often seemed to have some kind of investment in overcoming their inhibitions or breaking through their stage fright or something. When they asked me to perform with them they often stressed that it would be good for me, but that sounded to me like a cover story. I suspected that they wanted to use me to boost their own confidence; if I joined them, it would be a validation of them or something, or if I didn't, an insult. It didn't take me long to start resenting the pressure and to get the idea that they might even be projecting some of their own inhibitions onto me. I expected that if I did ever choose to perform with them, it would be more likely a competitive experience than a relaxing one. I guess the bottom line for me was, it wasn't OK with me to say yes, if it wasn't OK with them that I say no.

So lovefreak, I'm wondering if your bf might be afraid that his interest in BDSM is going to be spoiled by someone pressuring him to get into it before he's ready, and for their sake more than for his. I'm not saying that that's something you'd do; but if he's hypervigilant against a particular kind of bogeyman, you'll probably want to go a bit out of your way to look and sound as unlike that kind of bogeyman as possible.