While my bf and I were dating casually (3 yrs, on and off with no marriage talk, even though we loved eachother) these kinda topics didn't come up.

So imagine my surprize when he admitted he had a 'effed up' fetish now that things are serious between us I have always been curious about / interested in BDSM, but it just never came up. His confession sparked my interest some more and I joined Fetlife to learn about his kink, and evidently a few of mine lol He was VERY uncomfortable talking about this at first, but ever so now and then, I'd drop some info on my discoverings on Fetlife. Like parties in our area, couples that wanna meet for coffee to help us learn about the lifestyle, like mentors. Soon he started asking more specific questions about my kinks, what I'd like to experience and we discussed boundaries and took it from there...

Ok I got a little lost there. My point is actually this. He knows I've loved him since forever, but he was still scared I would turn away from him if I knew what he wanted to do with/to me. Maybe his Christian background is to blame too, idk. But he was convinced his fetish would be offputting.

IMO Lack of respect shouldn't be the issue here, unless the person is ignorant in the ways of kink, because no matter what it looks like from the outside, the kink lifestyle is based on mutual respect and trust.

Example; asphyxiation, you can't play if your partner doesn't respect you (he may hurt you) and you need to trust him to stop in time, bcoz he may kill you, or atleast render you unconcious. You need to be finely tuned into eachothers bodies for alot of these 'games' and fine tuning is impossible in the absence of respect and trust.

I personally think its the shame and fear that's gripping him, and you may have just fueled it with your ready acceptance if he's still 'ignorant', because lets face it, you have NO idea what he's into, there are 100 different possibilities.

If his kink is something people consider depraved, or he's into female - male domination, he could be drowning in shame given his religious background. And no amount of you saying its ok will make it so Lovefreak.

He needs to make peace with his fetish, not you, and I'm afraid it will never happen if he remains ignorant and believes the kink lifestyle is for the depraved... Porn doesn't show you the details of the relationship of the players, and if that's the only info he's getting regarding his fetish, then I completely understand why he would refuse to engage you in such activities.

Just my 00.02c, it may not even be relevent.