I'm sorry things are so tough for you. I've been depressed off and on since I was 14(I'm 63). For me the meds make a big difference. I can control the anxiety better and think more clearly. Have you heard of a medicine called Agomelatine.? It helps my insomnia, anxiety and depression. I'm also on mood stabilizer--Quetiapine Fulmarate, and - Lamotrigine. I add alprazoline if I get panicky. I know it's a lot of medicine but it works and I can function so much better.
Keep posting here, read other peoples' posts and let us know how you are doing. I really hope you find something good today.