Bless your heart. You certainly are NOT a horrible person! God made you the way you are, so you MUST be good! You just have a bit of a problem that needs some help.

Have your doctor refer you to a good therapist. You do need to talk to someone who can help you and a therapist would be the right person! There could be something from your childhood that causes you to push people away that get too close. You're not the only person who does that, my friend. So please don't feel alone!!!

I urge you to speak to your doctor so he can refer you. I know you'll feel so much better when you get into therapy. I wish you the very best. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee