Hi, I am posting here to get out some feelings. Perhaps someone might have a few suggestions. For the last years I have been suffering from terribly high anxiety (agoraphobia), which made it impossible for me to work or lead a normal life. I've tried to get better on my own at first, but gradually the anxiety grew stronger and none of my coping techniques worked. ( I tried klonazepam, ativan, xanax, two ADs, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, breathing techniques, meditation, mindfulness, vitamins & supplements, exercising..)
I lost one part after another of my life. Most friends were gone, my job offers had to be cancelled, plans had to be postponed and so on. I had never experienced that kind of loneliness in my life before..The world around me just wasn't the same anymore. I drifted into depression, but right now I'm doing ok. I learned important lessons during the last turbulent years and I'm trying to be more accepting of myself, as well as see things in perspective. When things get very bad I remind myself it will pass and I try to keep my spirits up. It isn't always that simple but I have no choice but to try moving forward. There is also someone special in my life whom I trust and who makes this life seem less miserable. The problem is that I still haven't figured out a long-term solution for dealing with the anxiety. I would like to try out an impatient program but I don't have the financial means. There is no state funded program as far as I found out through my research. The only thing I could do for free is a group therapy in my city, but my anxiety is too high for me to do that. Another difficulty for me is that everyone around me is skeptical toward mental illnesses and questions my honesty. Being called a liar, lazy and worse things add to the problems I have and push me into desperation.
I personally feel like my next step should be to find a medication that lowers my anxiety. After that I would like to start working again, in order to regain my independence. Then my plan is to move away to another country (which was my original plan before anxiety started). I am hoping to find a way to make some money to buy medication that would work for me. I have tried to sell things online but haven't made any money yet.
I hope that the post was more or less coherent. I might have to edit it once my brainfog goes away. Thank you for reading.