Hey all!

I'm not really sure which forum thread this should go in but never mind, here goes:

I'm a final year university student in the UK, who was lucky enough to study abroad for a year in the USA. I have ALWAYS dreamed of moving to and building my life in the USA so this was a great step for me.

I had the best year of my life (so far!) over there, met some wonderful people and discovered things about myself that I never knew existed! I loved it so much I applied to transfer there, and I got accepted. However, due to financial reasons, I was unable to go back. Naturally, I was heartbroken. I cried for days, but I just accepted it as a minor set back in my goal, and went back to Uni in the UK.

I have visited my friends at the college in the USA on a couple of occasions, I had a great time with them, but every time I came home I would get really sad again.

Now, every time I plan a visit, I get really excited for a short time, but this is followed by a gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach. I have searched for reasons why for months now, at first I thought it was just because I got anxious about flying, but I don't think this is the case anymore.

Additionally, when I was studying abroad, my Grandma died when I was over there so I didn't get to say goodbye or attend her funeral. As strange as this may sound, I always kind of knew that she would pass away when I wasn't home. But now, every time I plan a visit to the USA I start having recurring dreams about my parents (especially my Mam) dying and this just makes the gut feeling 10x worse.

I was just wondering if anyone could help explain this gut feeling to me, and give me a way of dealing with it so that it won't come back in the future?

Im a psychology student so you would think I'd know these things! Oh well haha.

Thank you