thanks guys, it's a relief to know that i'm not crazy or that it's just in my head. it did take a lot to let that out. i'm looking into therapy, it's something i've needed for a long time. thanks for helping!!!! yes, i am really glad i found this place!

*~in my field of paper flowers, candy clouds a lullaby, i lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me~*