I understand all of this. It reminds of when I was a teenager. I am grown (30) and married now (hetero but I still get attracted to women sometimes, I never act on it though in 2011 had an emotional affair [hetero - that I never told my husband about]). I am certain it would only cause more harm than good to tell him. We were on the brink of divorce and he knew how detached I was. Im convinced that all of my feeling were real but it was the lack of morality and this man that was just was everything I'd ever wanted. Now past it all I see that God has grown my husband into that same man and I feel guilty. But I still stand firm in my decision not to tell my husband. I can see now the Bipolar in it. The rush, the fun, spontaneity but I fell in love with another man I agree talking to a T will help. I know you want forgiveness, but mist importantly you have to start with forgiving yourself. Easier said than done, I know. Obviously I am not there yet but that's my first goal. I can't make anyone do or feel anything, but I can work on me, understanding me, loving me and ultimately forgiving me. Keep your head up. It isn't over yet.