I have BP II and I definitely feel that the RIGHT medications have saved my life. Don't get me wrong, there were many that were unhelpful or had bad side effects, but when I found the right thing it was amazing to have myself back. People worry about meds taking away their personality, becoming zombies, etc. If those things happen, you are on the wrong meds. When I am on meds, I feel the real me can shine through. I am more balanced, productive, and creative and I can enjoy the good things in my life.

I wasn't sure from your post whether this was your first med or at least your first mood stabilizer. I definitely understand not wanting to take a med that makes you feel like you described. Just know that not all meds will make you feel that way.

Good luck,
EJ