He does not have a porn addiction or any addiction because he has no severe functional impairments, since you yourslef write that he is great and the rs is great on all counts other than in the bedroom. He is probably working etc as well. A person who is able to work, function, aand a form a primary relationship in which his partner is in general very happy with him does not suffer from severe functional impairments and does not meet the criteria for the addict label.

That, in MH speak. In plain English, addictions ruin lives, and his life has not been ruined.

He also is able to engage in vanilla sex with you, so his porn viewing does not impair his physiologic functioning either. So he is not an addict.

Sorry, I get very peeved when people talk about food addictions, porn addictions, XYZ addictions all without cause or reason. How does it help? His issue is that he is apparently using porn due to its safety. He feels unsafe sharing his BDSM predilections with a gf. Porn is safe for him and RL is not safe for him, atm. The proper analogy would be with a swimming pool. A person may be afraid of swimming in the ocean because of sharks, undercurrents, the tide and the general unpredictability of the element. A swimming pool poses none of those risks. It is a safe, contained, artificial environment that resembles the ocean in a way but not quite. So RL sex with you is the ocean and porn is the swimming pool. A person who frequents swimming pools for fear of the ocean does so not because he is addicted to swimming pools but because he is afraid of the ocean yet still wants to swim.