Hello Silent Tears: I don't know if you have a psychiatrist or therapist or are on any med's. I don't know that there are any magic answers here either. The bottom line here is that you must break the cycle. If you don't have a psychiatrist or a therapist, find someone, fast. If you do have one or both, get in to see them asap. If you're in college (it sounds like you are) there must be a student health center you could go to. You could also call a local suicide hotline, I would presume. They could probably help. Or call your local mental health association. Or you could call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-TALK (8255) I know that they encourage people to call for any reason. You don't have to be contemplating suicide. They're there to help & they can help get you connected with resources. If this is all just too much for you to handle at this point, ask a friend or roommate to help, or a faculty member whom you trust.

The bottom line here is that, no matter how difficult it seems, you must make the 1st move. It can be as little as picking up the phone or talking to someone in person. But you have to start the ball rolling in some way or other. The only alternative is to just curl up into a ball & wait for someone to notice. This may be an alternative, but it's certainly not the best one. My very best wishes to you!