Hello, bit nervous...

I am 30 yrs old and have 1 son (8 yrs old). I was diagnosed last year as Bipolar 1. I also cope with anxiety/panic disorder. I've had one very short stay in the hospital, scared me enough that I don't admit when something is wrong half the time now. I was doing a lot of painting after that but hit a low point and lost all motivation. I am currently still rising out of the low, according to my doc, but for the past few weeks I have been stuck in this weird middle. It's like I am feeling everything at once, including paranoia, but can't and don't know what to do about anything. I'm not stable but I'm not unstable. I'm not really sure what I am right now. Hoping to find some clarity here.
~Carrie